At one time in my life, I thought I disdained those who were arrogant. I fought against them mentally and spiritually until....Until I found that I was not only arrogant, but ignorant. How could that be? It was a fine line I walked between arrogance and confidence. I did not even have the sense to recognize that I was being arrogant. My husband had to point it out. He was right! How could I have been so perceptive while I was drowning in my own ignorance? It really doesn't matter what the situation was....there are so many times when we think we are right. We know better than others. And we have no compunction telling them so. As if we were deemed the discoverers of the truth....
My baby sister is a hard worker. A good person. Yet, sometimes because she elevates me to a position of greatness which I usually disdain, sometimes, yes, sometimes, I rise to her expectations and today was no exception. I flatly told her that not going to Mass was a mortal sin and that she evidently did not know enough about our church. Whoa! Who also did not go to Mass today? Who also struggles with not wanting to get dressed, hold other people's hands, and pray in a group? What was the motivation for me to essentially put her down with my statements? Were those statements helpful? Did they create an atmosphere for valor? I don't think so. They stemmed from my own insecurity and ignorance about my faith. I struggle, so why not engage others in this struggle?
Of course, that was not my intent overtly. Something deep down - call it insecurity - caused me to puff up with my knowledge to put down another human being. I was so blind I did not even realize what I was doing until it was pointed out to me. Immediately, I called her and apologized for my arrogance....and the urge to blame it on her was strong - yes, she elevates me to this position and finally I am using it. NO! I cannot allow this type of thinking to endure. I must take responsibility for my thoughts and actions. I can only expect clemency when I am able to dole it out as well.
A few prayers later I feel a bit better about admitting I am a mere weak human. I am a work in progress...deep breath. Sigh. And a promise to do better when communicating with those whom I love and who love me. Forgive me for my weakness, for my ignorance, and for my arrogance...
